Felice Anno Nuovo dear subjects,
I had such a good time when I was here last week I thought I’d stop by again. Paul is double booked, so when he asked me to write a review, I cleared my schedule. I am a movie star and I’m all about blessing your lives however I can.
Now, someone please explain to me: What is the big deal about Melanie Parker? I don’t get it. Is she really so much better looking than Jack Taylor? She is certainly treated as if she were the beautiful one in this picture. Last time I looked Jackie boy still had a few good years left in him.
One Fine Day, generally considered in some cinematic circles (by which I mean no cinematic circles whatsoever) as the best romantic comedy since When Harry Met Sally… ends, as it must, with its stressed protagonists asleep on the sofa. Watching it I knew exactly how they felt!Trying too hard to be too cute, One Fine Day is predictable, beginning to end. Even Jack’s drop-dead smile cannot save it from sinking under the weight of its troubles. For one thing, tiresome child misbehaviour of the most obnoxious variety, isn’t funny. Seriously, somebody give this kid a slap and a haircut!
For another, the haughty Melanie is a hard-nosed narcissist who will stop at nothing to land her man. Teetering on her high heels to feign a fall into a puddle, left me laughing like a hyena. Jack, ever the gentleman, was fooled, but I wasn’t. Gee, lucky it’s a public place or she’d have devoured him on the spot.
This incident was just a prelude to one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever seen, as the devious Ms. Parker shangais the debonair dad into a kiss that could have curdled milk. She must have slipped something into his coffee. Thank goodness “secret weapon” Sammy broke it up.
If Melanie thinks one sloppy smooch is going to rain on my parade she’s got another thing coming. Now, I am both the Queen of Romantic Comedy© and America’s Sweetheart™, essentially ruling over the cinematic universe.From any man’s point of view, Melanie is your film-typical blond, with a love Santa that has been stuck in the chimney for far too long. Why Jack would fall for such a prickly, pent-up misery guts, is the film’s biggest mystery. Jack feeds Ms. Parker a line that she’s “the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen” but it must have been the bourbon talking. Maggie or Melanie Parker? It’s a no-brainer. Everybody knows it: Jack, Sam, my father’s dog, and old Goldilocks!
Her Majesty, Maggie