Maggie’s Musing on One Fine Day

Felice Anno Nuovo dear subjects,

I had such a good time when I was here last week I thought I’d stop by again. Paul is double booked, so when he asked me to write a review, I cleared my schedule. I am a movie star and I’m all about blessing your lives however I can.
heavenly-babe-departmentNow, someone please explain to me: What is the big deal about Melanie Parker? I don’t get it. Is she really so much better looking than Jack Taylor? She is certainly treated as if she were the beautiful one in this picture. Last time I looked Jackie boy still had a few good years left in him.
asleep-in-the-deepOne Fine Day, generally considered in some cinematic circles (by which I mean no cinematic circles whatsoever) as the best romantic comedy since When Harry Met Sally… ends, as it must, with its stressed protagonists asleep on the sofa. Watching it I knew exactly how they felt!basin-headTrying too hard to be too cute, One Fine Day is predictable, beginning to end. Even Jack’s drop-dead smile cannot save it from sinking under the weight of its troubles. For one thing, tiresome child misbehaviour of the most obnoxious variety, isn’t funny. Seriously, somebody give this kid a slap and a haircut!
The Bethesda TerraceFor another, the haughty Melanie is a hard-nosed narcissist who will stop at nothing to land her man. Teetering on her high heels to feign a fall into a puddle, left me laughing like a hyena. Jack, ever the gentleman, was fooled, but I wasn’t. Gee, lucky it’s a public place or she’d have devoured him on the spot.
swept-off-her-feet-by-jackThis incident was just a prelude to one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever seen, as the devious Ms. Parker shangais the debonair dad into a kiss that could have curdled milk. She must have slipped something into his coffee. Thank goodness “secret weapon” Sammy broke it up.
sloppy-smoochIf Melanie thinks one sloppy smooch is going to rain on my parade she’s got another thing coming. Now, I am both the Queen of Romantic Comedy© and America’s Sweetheart™, essentially ruling over the cinematic universe.washed-out-melanieFrom any man’s point of view, Melanie is your film-typical blond, with a love Santa that has been stuck in the chimney for far too long. Why Jack would fall for such a prickly, pent-up misery guts, is the film’s biggest mystery. Jack feeds Ms. Parker a line that she’s “the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen” but it must have been the bourbon talking. Maggie or Melanie Parker? It’s a no-brainer. Everybody knows it: Jack, Sam, my father’s dog, and old Goldilocks!

Bow Down!

Her Majesty, Maggie

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24 Comments

Filed under Retrospective

24 responses to “Maggie’s Musing on One Fine Day

  1. Maggie, Maggie, Maggie…what am I to do with you? You do realise that I’m seeing through that “tough” layer of yours, don’t you? And you really won’t be able to keep that jealousy hidden for much longer. Because, say what you want, that’s what this is about. As for what we all see in Melanie…well, I think you should ask your host while you are stopping over – he will definitely be able to fill you in. Maybe he can write up something (just don’t delete it while he’s not around or do some other weird stuff like you did to Anton). In the meantime, you keep dreaming of Jack (and stop stalking the man, please). Better still, why don’t you spend some time with Leopold. That might be a good way to get over your crush on Jack.

    • Well, for once I’m almost speechless. Jealousy! The word does not exist in my vocabulary. I’m Maggie. The Queen of Greenwich Village. My hair conjures images of wind-strafed wheat fields. My body, a Venus de Milo clad in a tie-dye dress. Knees tremble and grown men make the sign of the cross when I enter the building.
      My condolences to Leopold and Sam but I am definitely Jack’s new queen. At this time I foresee a long and prosperous reign, with pouting Parker powerless as I strengthen my grip on the crown!

      Yours cordially,
      Maggie

      • Maggie sweetheart, Jack sends his best. Now, a warning. You should have learnt by now not to get on the wrong side of me. Remember last time? Serendipity? When Sammy’s remote controlled car sent you sprawling over the desert trolley. Didn’t you did look divine. Good enough to eat. Replete with raspberry truffle trifle and Taittinger 95 down your funky Calvin Klein bra!
        Are you listening to me? Do you even care? You just stand there with your feather boa and your tits like rocks and laugh, and…You are like Don Quixote, tilting at Nature’s windmills.

      • Wow…Maggie…I’m starting to worry here…
        Let me ponder this a bit more while I’m at work (argh, the joys of going back to work after all these festivities). But, I’m sure we’ll manage to come to some common ground. In the meantime, enjoy your day. Don’t do anything silly now…I’ll be in touch later.

        • So Maggie…here’s my bit for you (the morning at work has been slow as most people are still on holiday) but don’t let Melanie see this: So, I’ve mulled this over and I’m so sorry I got your so riled up. I mean, we were getting along pretty well around Christmas and New Year. So…I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re probably right…let’s leave Melanie out of this. In fact, I’ll never mention her again (as nice as she is *little cough here*). I really value your time to chat (I know you are very busy). But…now (under my breath so you don’t hear: to get on your good side again)…what’s the plan to rope in Jack? As much as you are the Queen of Romantic Comedy, and therefore are, most likely, going to get the guy, you’re still going to have to work for him. As you already mentioned, Jack thinks Melanie is the most beautiful woman. And just hang on before you get worked up again…yes, you are too…but…this is going to take some work. You realise that, don’t you?
          (Paul…you think I’ve appeased her? 😉 )

          • Professional magicians don’t give away their best secrets. For all I know you might be a spy for Goldilocks.
            Jack, as a man of superior taste knows Melanie Parker is Jell-O to my crème brûlée. Wowed by the power of pure femininity he’ll be my soul mate on the ship of love. Oh, the places we’ll go…

  2. Hahahaha you guys are hilarious. That’s all I got!

  3. Great post 🙂 I can see this Maggie person is someone who prefers bite over sentiment 🙂 Nevertheless, I have a question for Maggie, who are your favorite Golden Age era filmmakers of comedies? 🙂 Keep up the great work as always 🙂

    • I do like bite, in fact I could chew a can of celluloid and spit out a better movie than One Fine Day!
      Now, on to your question. I’m often referred to as comedy in motion. Like Lombard in My Man Godfrey or Hepburn in Bringing up Baby I always steal the show. Unlike Melanie I was born too late to witness the Golden Age comedies in the cinema, but I do think Howard Hawks was one of the best directors of screwball.
      Bringing Up Baby was probably my favorite. That and The Awful Truth. Again I love the physical goings on: chasing after the dog that has the bone; baby the leopard and the puncturing of class pretensions. Excellent stuff.. And yes, the whole scene in the bar where her dress rips. I could have played that role to perfection!

  4. Awesome 🙂 Great reading! –Paul

  5. Whoa!! Calm down Paul!! Um!! I mean Maggie!!!
    I LIKE ‘One Fine Day’!! 😀

  6. It was very fun reading this post and also the comments.

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