You Don’t Know Jack about One Fine Day

Greeting blogosphere, it’s Maggie. The future Mrs. Taylor. That has a nice ring to it don’t you think ? Paul can be so unreliable. I’ve already done this guest column twice and again he asks for assistance! He obviously finds my allure to be so overpowering and distracting it’s rendered his ramblings incomprehensible.You Dont Know JackWell, you might as well face it, sometimes even the best journalist can be wrong. One fine day Jack Taylor went on the record talking some nonsense about how Melanie Parker was the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. exit-goldilocksBut that was before he was vamped out of his loafers by a bleached-blonde vision of East Village bohemia. Oh sure, he’d sampled the salacious delights of Addicted to Love but it didn’t prepare him. So hit the road Mel, there’s only room for one queen in Jack’s kingdom.Crazy MaggieAt this time I foresee a long and prosperous reign, with Ms. Parker powerless as I strengthen my grip on the crown! Huh? What’s that? How was the movie, you say? Can’t we talk about Jack and his co-star, good old Goldilocks some more?
cant-afford-a-nannyWell if you must. For those of you unfortunate enough to live in Great Britain, One Fine Day had an airing on television yesterday afternoon. I know the UK is grey, but I find it hard to believe anybody’s life is so empty they would waste their weekend watching this drivel.Maggies Champagne MomentHowever if they did, I’m sure they’d agree, the film could’ve used a certain comedy queen, someone with unique star persona: calculated erotic cunning, and huge blue eyes. Oh by the way Mel, pratfalls and slapstick are so 1930s!Pfeiffer PratfallThe sloppy, stolen kiss at the end of One Fine Day is one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever seen. Prissy Ms. Parker is all fake nerves when she has obviously spiked Jack’s coffee. How dare she steal a page out of my playbook?
melanie-getting-readyAnd then there’s the ‘getting ready for the date’ montage, you’ve seen in 10,000 movies, where she spends an eternity getting dolled up for Jack, who ends up falling asleep on the couch. Laugh? I almost did. Mel you really shouldn’t try so hard. Who needs 45 minutes to be smooch-worthy? Give me five and a Rich Girl lip gloss and I’m there Jackie boy. My carriage awaits…

Maggie

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21 Comments

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21 responses to “You Don’t Know Jack about One Fine Day

  1. Your creative side is soaring, Paul! A fun way to think about Maggie. You’re obsessed πŸ˜‰

  2. Maggie do you have a mirror nearby? I’ll wait. Okay, got it? Now look closely, Maggie. It’s time you did. I am Melanie Parker. I am nobody’s fool, least of all yours. Is it possible, even conceivable, that you’ve confused Jack and I with that Frenchman and his girl who you played tricks on, that you have the same contempt for me as you have for them?

  3. RB

    The friendship was promising, but doesn’t seem to be going well at this point.

    • Nah, despite her Captain Hook complex I think of Melanie as one of my oldest oldest friends. RB if you ever make it to the Big Apple you must join us for cocktails at the 21 Club. Head will turn and jaws will drop, I might even let Melanie slip into one of my tie-dye dresses. A little Crisco and some fishing wire and she’ll be in business!

  4. I’m with you Maggie, you got the guy home getting ready is not what you want to spend 45 minutes doing. πŸ˜‰ I’ve noticed the blog has been renamed in your honour. When commenting on each other’s blogs who will be most likely writing. You or Paul? Just want to know who I’m addressing? You live in New York City with so many interesting things going on at any one time so I have to presume if anybody is reading my blog it will be Paul. You’ve got better things to do like snare men who play with giant telescopes and get them to stop crying over John Travolta’s wife leaving them.

    • Sadly Paul’s unhealthy obsession with One Fine Day and Melanie has forced me to take action and he won’t be around the blogosphere for quite a while. It isn’t easy typing comments when you’re encased in plaster from waist to neck! He really should consider my anger a blessing. It’s not everyday that Movie Royalty acknowledges you. Renaming the blog in my honour was the least he could do.
      Lloyd I have got better things to do, but since you asked I may well stop your humble blog. First I need to know where you stand on One Fine Day and Goldilocks Melanie? Think very carefully before you answer!

  5. Great post πŸ™‚ I just love that paragraph where you express doubt that anyone living in the UK would want to watch One Fine Day on a cloudy afternoon πŸ™‚ Tell me Maggie, is it the sentimental aspects of One Fine Day that makes you cringe? πŸ™‚ Keep up the great work as always πŸ™‚

    • Hey John. nice to see a man of taste around this place. One Fine Day is indeed cringeworthy, for its sappy sentimentality, cutesy music, precocious children and the ridiculous romance between our lovable lothario and gloomy old Goldilocks. Come on, only in the movies, would those two get together. Everybody knows Jack Taylor would have been catnip to a girl like me. Handsome, dazed and to die for!

  6. I still don’t get who wrote this post… Doesn’t sound like Paul… However, it’s cleverly amusing!

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